Do you know who you are?, I mean who you really are?

I started writing to discover myself and the initial title of my blog was The Journey of Self-Discovery by Mariam Shittu. That was a nice title, right? I know. I later found out that I wanted to share more than lifestyle which is why I changed it to Mariam’s World.  A lot of things have happened since then and as much as I journal almost every day, I stopped writing about my self-discovery journey. I read Mbalenhle’s post last month and I knew I needed a self-discovery session for myself. I hope I get to do this more.

A self-discovery journey is not an easy one but it is one we all need to be true to ourselves. My self-discovery journey has been surprising, exciting, difficult but most of all revealing. In this session, I answered some personal self-discovery questions fearlessly below;

What Makes You Happy About Your Life Right Now?

Writing makes me happy at the moment. The feedback I get when my words hit a nerve makes me realize what I’m doing means something and reassures me that I shouldn’t stop sharing my thoughts and knowledge. I realized recently that creating content brings me more joy than every other thing I do and whenever I have a couple of things lined up to share I’m always excited.

What Makes You Sad About Your Life Right Now?

The desire for things to be better all around in every area of my life makes me sad. I want that happy and content state and I must admit I haven’t been there for a while. This is probably why I haven’t had a good night’s rest in a long time because my mind tends to wander through the night. I also feel like my work is not reaching as many people as I want it to even though I celebrated 1,000 WordPress followers last week. I’m going with the flow, trusting the process, working on getting myself out of this bubble and focusing on the things that bring me joy though, so help me God.

Do You Find It Easy To Talk About Your Feelings, or Do You Bottle Things Up?

I don’t find it easy to talk about my feelings. I may share my feelings in a poem but when push comes to shove, I hold them back. Doing this self-discovery session is big of me and I’m proud of my growth. I’m the person everyone comes to with their problems but the one that never shares her problems. I simply say I’m okay and there’s nothing wrong while a million things may be wrong. I thought I was getting better with sharing but I caught myself a few days ago ignoring my feelings. If you ask if I’m okay when you sense something’s wrong, ask again like five times and maybe I will tell you what’s wrong.

“Life is an endless process of self-discovery.” – James Gardner

What One Thing Would You Change About Your Childhood?

There are a couple of things I would love to change but if I could really go back to change one thing about my childhood, I will change the fact that I never said much. I will make sure little Mariam stood up to play instead of watching her siblings play. I will push her to talk whenever something was bugging her. I will encourage her to ask questions, talk about things happening to her, share her feelings and get involved in things she wanted to do instead of just keeping quiet and letting her thoughts consume her.

How Comfortable Are You Meeting New People?

I actually enjoy meeting new people and learning new things but I only discovered this in my adult life. I wish I knew this part of me sooner but like they say, it’s better late than never. I’m very comfortable forming new relationships, forming new opinions and knowledge and using them to impact everyone around me. I must admit though that if it’s a really crowded place, I may just be in my shell but if it’s only a handful of people around, I’m super comfortable sharing and contributing my input.

Are You Able To Forgive Others?

I’d like to say that I forgive easily but I don’t and when I eventually forgive, I’d rather you are no longer within reach and I never have to deal with you again. I don’t know if that is really forgiving in its real sense. I also like to plan my revenge even though I don’t go through with it most times. I know letting things go and forgiving easily translates to peace of mind and I’d like to get there someday.

Are You Afraid of Death?

I used to be but not anymore. Life has shown me that anything can happen in an instant and when you get this, dying does not bug you anymore. It’s living to fulfil your purpose, making memories that will last a lifetime and leaving meaningful impressions on the people around when you are gone that should thrive you. I know this is easier said than done but since I lost my Mum, I’ve viewed everything about life differently including death. When you understand how final and inevitable death is, it wouldn’t bother you.

“Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself.”

Are You Comfortable Looking in A Mirror?

Yes, I am. I have never been uncomfortable looking in a mirror even when I was bigger than I am currently. Loving yourself involves loving everything about you including your body. I love my body that is why I take care of it every day by eating healthy and exercising regularly. I do this thing where I talk to myself in the mirror like Issa Rae does in Insecure. It’s a great way to know yourself and hype yourself up. I’m my biggest hypeman hahaha.

How Do You Show People That You Love Them?

Since I’m being fearless, I will admit that I think I suck when it comes to this. I’m not sure I do a great job in showing people how much I love them and I  believe I can do better. I was not expressive for a long time and though I’m not as quiet as I used to be, I still hold back in some scenarios. I show people I love them by telling them, writing for/about them, praying for them, helping them, showing up and being there for them whenever they need me. I feel like the people in my circle know that I’m always there whenever they need me. Or rather, I hope they do.

What Are Your Goals For This Month?

I have quite a number of them. I plan to read five books, yes five because I’ve been slacking a bit. I intend to smash my blog stats target. I’ve been increasing my views target every month and I’ve been smashing it. I plan to cleanse myself spiritually and mentally this Ramadan. Besides abstaining from food, Ramadan helps me to find myself again and I look forward to everything I will discover about myself this time around.

Thanks for reading.

Never stop discovering yourself.

Mariam Shittu