This Christmas,
I wish you were here
more than I have ever

This Christmas,
I wish you were here
more than I have ever
For others, it’s just another day. For me, the 12th of November is;
Yesterday isn’t gone.
I hear it when a door slams shut.
On the 4th of September, I googled “does grief end”. It’s been three years and ten months since I lost my Mum, and I miss her so much.
If we were having tea, I’d choose a seat in the private part of the café and stare into your eyes for about ten minutes before placing my order.
I don’t care what anyone says because I know no amount of preparation, planning or time can make grief and losing a loved one easy. There are a whole lot of easy tasks but grieving isn’t one of them.
If we were having tea, I’d be so happy to see you. I’d give you a big hug and linger for about a minute or two. I’d finally take a seat and ask you what it’s like up there with a big smile on my face.
Whenever I was told
you left this world
for a better place
I never believed
I spent every day at the hospital
but I didn’t care
I spent my birthday at the hospital
but I didn’t care
The scars of loss
have left me a mess
I’m dreaming while awake
and hurting every step of the way