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I don’t want to be worried about how many hours of sleep I will get and if I will wake up before my alarm goes off.
I don’t want to be worried about what is going to happen tomorrow or next tomorrow when today has only just started.
The days I need you
you punish me
suffer me with waiting
and choose when you want to show up
talk to me today for hours
like you did in the beginning
speak sweet nonsense in my ears
like you did the first time
maybe I took you for granted
maybe I didn’t understand you
maybe I didn’t care enough
maybe I didn’t put you first
It feels like this is it
what I’ve been waiting for
I’ve hit the jackpot
but I can’t feel the wins
deafening music,
clicking glasses,
spilling drinks,
faces I don’t recognize
staring right at me
I find myself saying things I don’t mean often not because I wish to lie but more because I have automatic replies I’ve constructed in my head.
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It usually begins slow
till you start talking everyday
the early morning messages
and phone calls for hours
you become friends first
then you start thinking of what should come next
