What is Love?

I was sitting at my workstation on a bright and early Monday morning when the idea came to me to write yet another collaborative post. In case you aren’t an avid reader of my blog, I’ve written posts in the past where I asked people for their opinions, views, and perspectives on different topics and shared them alongside mine.

Before you go further, you should check them out:

You may be wondering, isn’t how do you know you’re in love, and what is love similar? Yes, they are similar, and they are also different. The former speaks more to what you experience or do when you are in love, while the latter explores what love is to you and what you expect it to be. Even with that explanation, you might still think they overlap, and that is absolutely okay.

I reached out to a few people, single and married, to tell me what love means to them, and here is how they responded.

“Love to me is loving your whole self, accepting you for who you are. Because without loving yourself entirely, you can’t love your husband or kids the way they deserve. Loving yourself is being authentic, kind, true, empathetic, responsible, and respectful. So if asked what love is, I would say loving me genuinely and truly.”

— Adejoke Osinowo-Dacosta

Love is commitment.

I find it in the small, quiet decisions no one applauds, the softened tone during an argument, the text to make sure you got home safe, the way I learn you so I can love you better. It’s doing something not out of obligation, but because I know it will matter to you. Because you matter to me.

Love is “I choose you.” On the good days. On the complicated days. Every single day. You are my person. My always. My thing. My forever choice.

Love has chemistry, but it also has consistency. It’s not just how I feel about you in a moment; it’s the life I’m intentionally building with you over time.

It’s learning your heart and handling it gently.
It’s saying, “We’re on the same team.” Doing life together. Not keeping score, but building, learning, and growing with each other.

You’re my person.
My safe place.
My forever teammate.

— Damilola Adenubi

“This is easy:

For me, it’s choosing her every day through the fun, the chaos, and the quiet moments. Knowing I want her as much during the great times as well as the bad. Selflessly honoring her presence or absence, you don’t need to be anywhere else. And all this shows in how I love her.”

— Akinola Akintunde

“Knowing their entire being, flaws and all, and still choosing them over and over again.

It’s a decision. It’s a feeling.

It’s unconditional.

I would give up my life for this person if I had to.

I can be myself with or without them.

I’m whole, but they complete me.

I yearn for them, all the different parts of them.

I feel a deep sense of affection and belonging with them.

Intentional choices and actions that are only positive towards them.

Always thinking of their good, without imposing or overbearing.

I want to see them flourish, always.”

— Moyosoreoluwa Oduko

“Love is selfish. By this, I mean I love someone because it brings me joy. I love seeing them happy. I love watching them light up at a kind gesture or seeing them feel relief because of a sacrifice made. It is a conscious and deliberate action directed at a person who, in turn, chooses the same approach, fulfilling their own ‘selfishness’ by returning the gesture simply to make themselves feel good.”

— Temitayo Adedugbe

I like that the responses are personal and different. It’s a reminder that when two people come together, they bring different expectations and interpretations of what love is. Those differences blend into a partnership that is expected to survive and grow through everything life tests it with. Such a huge challenge, right? I know. No wonder it doesn’t work sometimes.

Now, it’s my turn.

Love to me is a combination of many elements. Love is giving and receiving. Love is consistency. Love is genuine care and affection. Love is unwavering consideration. Love is kindness without selective meanness. Love is gentleness. Love is generosity without conditions. Love is loyalty. Love is respect. Love is inconvenience. Love is tolerance and grace. Love is taking responsibility and accountability. Love is reliability and dependability. Love is real forgiveness. Love is safety. Love is security. Love is mutual growth. Love is warmth. Love is a continuous decision. Love is home.

Jay Shetty is someone I admire, and I came across a video of him talking about this exact topic this month. Wild, right? Coincidence, I don’t think so. In his words, “I define love as three things. It’s when you like someone’s personality. It’s when you respect their values, and when you want to commit to helping them achieve their goals. That is love in action. That is love in practice. That is love in reality.” Hearing that made me pause, because in many ways, it aligns with everything shared above. Love is not just what we feel. It’s what we choose to practice.

And maybe that’s the beauty of love. It refuses to fit into one definition or one voice. It shifts, grows, softens, and stretches to meet us where we are. What love looks like today may not be what it looked like yesterday, and that’s okay. We learn it, unlearn it, and redefine it through the people we meet and the lives we live. In the end, love becomes less about getting it perfectly right and more about choosing to show up, again and again, with intention, honesty, and heart.

What is love to you?

Mariam Shittu