How Do You Know When You’re in Love?

Love. Love. Love.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve wondered what it meant to truly love someone. I grew up with a picture frame in our living room about love. The frame said, “love is the giving and sharing of two hearts together”. This was my first understanding of what love is or supposed to be and when my first boyfriend and I became official, I was in love (I thought) and over the moon about him. Fast forward to my second relationship when the depth of my feelings grew tremendously and it made me wonder if I was ever in love before. Since then, every relationship has been different and it’s made me understand the many layers of love.  

When I started writing, writing poems about love came and still come naturally to me and I’ve written all kinds of poems about love. Over the years, I’ve come to the realization and conclusion that love is a decision as well as a feeling. It’s a mix of both and one cannot exist without the other.

True love is rare and it’s the only thing that gives life real meaning.
– Nicholas Sparks

The other day, I thought about doing a collaborative post again because I really enjoyed the other one on being over 30 and single. So I asked a few of my friends and family the question “How Do You Know When You Are in Love” and I will share their answers with you in a moment because you’re reading mine first.

I know I’m in love when I never don’t want to answer his calls (I don’t like talking all the time and it can be draining but I make an exception for the one I love – the introvert in me problem). I long to hear from him and genuinely want to know how his day was, if he ate, what he ate, what he wore, etc. LOL. I think about him in everything I do and I wonder what he would think of everything I’m doing. I pray for him, advise him and carry all his problems on my head. I know I’m in love when my fears go in the wind and I’m super comfortable being naked spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically with him. Everything makes sense and stops making sense at the same time. My entire world revolves around him and I don’t mind him in my space 24/7 (I really love my space).

This is how they answered.

“I know I’m in love when I can do almost anything for the person. When all my fear of intimacy and betrayal is overwhelmed by the powerful desire to be with them. And all my pain becomes a mild ache that they can rub away.”
– Wayne (@waynesamuelle)

“When they’re the first ones I want to tell things to… I genuinely consider their thoughts, emotions or feelings. I’ll always make time to speak/see them. Thoughts of them always put me at ease.”
– Ere (@sol_morado)

“Okay, it’s kinda redundant to say this, cos a lot of people know this by now, but how you feel about someone the first time you see them, or even the first couple of weeks, doesn’t have anything to do with love. Some people are dating right now and they are not in love yet. They think they are, but they’re really not.
You know you are in love when you’ve been with someone long enough to actually know them, and figure out how they differ from you, their quirks and issues, their pains and awkward passions, how terrible or annoying they can be, and all these other things that literally make human beings go to war with each other. lol. And yet somehow, for some inexplicable reason, (that oftentimes resembles absolute madness) you are willing to put in the effort that is required to remain with them. That inexplicable bit is the essence of real love. Because when you think about it, building and maintaining relationships is one of the most difficult things to do in life. No one wants to have to deal with living with another person in the same room for the rest of their lives, it’s bound to be disastrous.
And another interesting thing is, sometimes it’s not even about differences, similarities can be an issue too; that moment when you look at someone and you realize how terrible you’ve been all your life, because looking at them is like looking into a mirror, and you’re not sure if you quite like what you see on there. Usually, in more neutral situations, you’d run for the hills – you don’t have to deal with the drama cos you’re not stuck to this person like you’re Siamese twins. but… For that inexplicable reason, you stay. You put aside all your differences or terrible similarities and you choose them. You might have been running from difficult situations all your life, but all of a sudden you develop the stamina, the courage, the will, the patience and smarts to deal with this person for the longest part of your life. That’s when you know that you are truly in love.”
– Femi (@femi.the.god)

“I know I’m in love when in everything I do, I think about them first and put myself second. When their prayer requests become mine, and I literally have conversations with God about them. When I can’t do a day without talking to them and I have literally become so vulnerable around them. When in all my plans I start to think about them and how it could affect us long term as well as planning our future together. When the sun can’t go down with me still being mad at them, at the moment I am mad I am already over it because I can’t stay mad at him. When I start to make sacrifices for them and their pain becomes mine and happiness becomes mine. When being with them makes me want to become a better version of myself. When it’s beyond the honeymoon phase and I see him for who he is with flaws etc but I still will not change a thing. When I just want to be with them now and start forever already. When I would rather be with them than anyone else and when I start to publicly show them off and not care about other people trying to talk to me because then and there he is all that matters.When words are not enough. When they’re everything I prayed for and more. They may not be perfect, but there is a level of imperfection they have that makes them just perfect for me. Most of all, when my heart feels at peace and they have become my home and safe haven.”
– Lateefah (@lateefahhhh)

Now I’m throwing my question at you, how do you know when you’re in love?

Mariam Shittu