On this day six years ago, I was in the UK with my sisters and brother. I was confused, disoriented, brokenhearted, disorganized, sad, angry and all the other bad emotions you can think of. I had just watched my Mum die, and I didn’t want to imagine what life would be like without her.

Today, I’m in the UK with my sister. I’m no longer confused, disoriented, angry and disorganized, but I’m still sad and brokenhearted. I miss my Mum so much, and no day goes by that I don’t wonder what life would be like now if she was here.

I hate that November 12 is celebrated as the day she died. I hate that when October comes, all the memories come flooding in super intensely, like they’re prepping me for what’s to come. I hate that today is the day she died six years ago.

Though we have all tried to move on and our lives have all changed for the better, we still all wish she was here to live this present moment with us. It would have been excellent for her to see more grandbabies, weddings, promotions, acquisitions, wins, etc. It’d have also been nice to have that sure shoulder to lean on in times of despair, disappointments, dissatisfaction and losses.

We miss you so much, Mama. Because of you, we all hope dead people can see the living. We hope you’re looking down on us and happy.