2023 was tough

It was tough
because I lost my Dad
three months after celebrating
My Mum’s Five-year Remembrance

It was tough
because I didn’t know the last time
I saw him
was going to be the very last time

It was tough
because I had to finish a project
I was working on
my first poetry collection,
a book about love
when all I felt was hate.
Hate with the world.

It was tough
because I planned to surprise him with the book.
We had a shared love for books.
I borrowed all the books in his office library,
and we’ll chat about them after I have read them.

It was tough
because all my plans for the year
didn’t go exactly how I wanted them to.
I felt the depth of fear, weakness and loneliness,
more than I ever have

2023 was tough

It was tough
because writing didn’t flow easily,
and I wasn’t able to express
all I needed to
so I started therapy

It was tough
because a lot of my attempts
to be strong was futile

It was tough
because I made a decision
to finally leave,
and it came with a lot of
physical and mental stress

It was tough
because I needed my Mum
more than ever and wished she was alive

It was tough
because I put forward
a different version of me
to be able to cope with life

2023 was tough

It was tough
because I tried
I tried to love
I tried to be patient
I tried to reciprocate
I tried to communicate better
I tried to give more of myself
and in the end,
it wasn’t worth it

2023 was tough

but it was also good
I laughed a lot
I learned a lot
I accomplished most of my goals
and I survived

Goodbye, 2023 and Hello, 2024!

Mariam Shittu