A major part of my life this year and last has been about release, not in an everything-changed-overnight kind of way, but in quiet, consistent ways. I’ve found myself slowly loosening my grip on things I once held tightly: people, expectations, situations, fears, and old versions of myself.

Letting go hasn’t always been easy, but it’s something I’ve focused on for some time now because when I realised that my peace was up to me, things became easier. Sometimes, letting go has felt like a loss. Other times, like freedom. However, in all cases, it’s brought me closer to peace.

Here are a few things I’ve learned and continue to learn (because I’m a work in progress) to let go of, as well as what I’m learning in the process.

1. The Need For Closure

I used to think everything needed a proper ending. That people owed me explanations or that I had to make sense of every goodbye. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always wrap things up with a bow. I’m learning that sometimes silence is the answer—and that peace can come without perfect understanding. I try to remind my younger sister about this all the time, if only she’d listen. 

2. Trying to Be Understood All the Time

This follows from the first point. I experienced a surprising moment one day when my older sister told me that “I’m misunderstood because, beneath my surface, I’m a sweet, caring, disciplined, and devoted person, but only those who stay will realise it”. It felt like she finally got me. I’ve accepted that not everyone will understand me, and that’s okay. I’ve stopped overexplaining myself, especially when it costs me energy. My peace is too important to be compromised. 

3. Expecting the Same Energy I Give

I’m not quite where I need to be with this one. I used to expect that people would show up the way I did—thoughtful, consistent, and emotionally present, but not everyone operates the same way, and matching energy isn’t always possible. Letting go of those expectations through therapy has saved me from unnecessary disappointment. 

4. People Who Weren’t Choosing Me

This was a harsh reality, and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. There’s no reward for holding onto people who can’t make space for you. I’ve let go of waiting and trying to prove my worth, and in that process, I found clarity. I deserve reciprocity, not confusion and doubt, and you do too. If you’re trying to do this, trust time; it always helps.

5. Milking Situations Hoping They’ll Change

In the past, I’ve stayed too long in situations that didn’t serve me—jobs, friendships, dynamics—just hoping things would get better. It’s important to know when to leave, and sometimes, holding on is the very thing keeping you stuck. Letting go doesn’t mean failure; it means you’ve chosen yourself. Sometimes, the wisest thing you can do is walk away while you still have your peace. I’m learning to listen when my spirit is tired, even if there’s no dramatic reason.

6. Holding On to Anger

I used to be mad and hold the anger in forever. I let resentment and anger linger long after situations had passed. I’ve realised that holding on to anger only harms me, not the person I’m upset with. Now, I do a lot of self-reflection and gradually let the emotion go bit by bit. It’s a liberating process, and I’m slowly learning that lightness comes when I release what no longer serves me.

7. Over-saving Instead of Living

I used to tuck almost everything away “for the future”, “for a rainy day”, “for when it makes more sense.” I would calculate and over-analyse to justify every expense. However, I’ve come to accept that money comes and money goes, and I can’t constantly deprive myself in the name of responsibility, leaving me feeling stuck. I’m learning that I’m allowed to enjoy life now (mindfully, of course), not just plan for someday.

8. Old Versions of Myself

Before, I would often look back and wonder how I ended up in certain situations. I would criticise myself and let my past influence my present. This hurt my mood and overall well-being. However, I now understand that certain parts of me served a purpose in the past, but I have outgrown them. Growth requires change, and change is not betrayal; it is transformation.

9. The Idea That Healing Is Linear

Some days, I feel strong; other days, I’m deep in old feelings. I’ve let go of the idea that healing means moving in a straight line. Sometimes, I circle back, and that’s fine. I won’t pretend like I don’t because that’s more detrimental for me. Progress isn’t always visible.

10. Overthinking Every Single Thing

Hi, my fellow overthinker haha…I’ve spent so much time replaying conversations, wondering if I said too much or too little, thinking about worst-case and best-case scenarios, and worrying about things I couldn’t control. This year, I’ve started catching myself in the act—and choosing to pause instead of spiralling. Everything doesn’t need to be dissected. Sometimes, it just is. One thing I do is to repeat this as many times as possible when I catch myself, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”.

Letting go is a quiet kind of power. It doesn’t always feel strong while it’s happening. I’m still learning, still softening, making mistakes along the way and making peace with the things I’ve had to put down. Check out I Release for positive affirmations to help you let go.

What are you letting go of?

Mariam Shittu

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