10 Life Lessons From My Past Relationships

Love is amazing.

You meet someone, you start talking every day, you start dating and then you make it official. You’re happy, you’re in love and you can’t imagine life without them. Then somehow, everything changes and that person becomes an ex. Life goes on without them in it until you meet someone else who makes you fall in love again.

No matter how things ended with your ex, the time will come when you will eventually miss them. You can’t help it because they were a huge part of your life irrespective of how long they were in it. It could have been a few months, a year or a maybe even a couple of years. The memories will flow, both the good and bad, and sometimes even keep you up at night.

I’m no relationship expert and I’ve only had a few long relationships in my lifetime but I have definitely learned something from every single one of them. Here are some of the lessons below.

YOU COME FIRST
Before your partner came into your life, it was just you and if they leave, it will still be just you. You are your first priority no matter what anyone says. You need to take care of yourself because no one will do that for you.

IT TAKES TWO
Two people make up a relationship. Make some room for the other person in your world. The moment you commit to someone else, you cannot shut them out of your life. Bring them into your space to make them feel what you say you feel. Cook together, party together, play games together. 

BE FRIENDS
Be friends first before lovers. I’ve never been a fan of relationships where the two parties don’t joke around or speak to each other freely. Once I get the vibe that I can’t talk to you that way, everything gets awkward. When you are friends with your lover, things are just easier because love is not always enough.

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Ask questions first before making assumptions. I know it’s hard but more often than not, it’s never what you’re thinking. Do not jump to conclusions because it makes the other person feel untrusted.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Communication is the most important element of every relationship. Talk to your partner and keep them involved in the happenings in your life. Show appreciation and use words like please, sorry and thank you. You will need to tell your partner how you feel about them because they cannot know what you are thinking and hearing it is nice. It’s like a reconfirmation and everyone needs it.

CHANGE IS NOT EASY
It is really hard for people to change so do not expect someone to change overnight for you. Someone that has never been tidy, cannot become tidy in a week and someone that is rude may never want to learn how to be polite. Change takes time and some people cannot change because they are set in their way of doing things.

BE TRUTHFUL
If something you don’t like happens once and you don’t address it, it will happen again. Don’t say it’s okay when it’s really not okay. Always address the elephant in the room because leaving things unaddressed eventually blows up in your face. Don’t ignore any sign, change in behaviour or anything that bothers you. If you cannot be your true self, you can’t be happy. Also, it is okay for things not to work. If you are no longer in love, it’s best to move on instead of managing and talking to other people.

QUITTING IS NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER
Don’t think of quitting immediately an argument occurs. It is not normal for two people to have the same opinion about everything. Differences are a part of life and they will occur from time to time but they should not always be a shouting fest. It is not normal for someone to get a thrill from initiating fights. It is not okay for your partner to verbally or physically abuse you. Run for your life.

FRIENDS & FAMILY MATTER
Your partner’s family is important and so is yours. Do not ignore your friends and family because you have a partner. It is not every time your partner will choose you over their family and you need to respect that. Anyone that makes you resent your loved ones prevents you from seeing them or requests to always tag along is selfish and possessive.

YOU NEED TO FEEL LOVED
If you find yourself wondering if you are loved, you shouldn’t have to. Your partner uttering the words “I love you” is not enough. You have to feel the love radiating through your whole existence and consuming you. Love is special, electric, magnetic, and unexplainable but when you feel it, you will know it.

Do you have any lessons from past relationships you will like to share?

Mariam Shittu