Hey there!

Are you single and in your 30s (early, mid or late)? I am, and I know it can be a hard place to be. If I didn’t have people around my age or older than me who are currently single or separated, I probably would feel terrible today and want to disappear. I’m not saying that I don’t want the best for these people; it’s just comforting and easier to navigate life knowing that former classmates, acquaintances, friends, and family are also in a similar situation.

I know everybody’s not going to get married, but I want to get married, build a home and grow old with a partner. I want us to instil old and new values into our kids and nurture them to become extraordinary people in society. I envision a life filled with love, attention, care, adoration, and consideration, where my partner and I show each other the genuine and purest form of love. It’s not something I speak about often, but five years ago, I reached out to some old and new friends to collaborate with me on a post — Life As A Single & Over 30-Year-old Nigerian Woman — You should check it out if you haven’t read it. Do you think I should bring them back or other people for part 2?

I love love, and I’ve written so many poems about it. My first published book is about love. I’ve also written a post about a letter to my future husband, a prayer for new relationships, etc. I enjoy writing these posts so that people can relate to them and find inspiration. I strongly believe in the power of words, such as affirmations and specific prayers, and how they can significantly impact our lives. Which is why I say my desire to the universe and I believe that my person is out there and will come to me soon.

Living in Nigeria as a single woman in your thirties comes with a lot of pressure that I’ve learned to ignore over the years. Every family member and even non-family members always seem to have something to say when they speak to you or see you. They are either praying for you as if you are sick, or bombard you with questions about someone who doesn’t even exist in your life. They make being married seem like some achievement and often overlook all the other accomplishments in your life. There’s also another horrible side of this where single women are looked down on because they don’t have the wedding band on their finger. I know someone who had to pretend to be married for a business deal to go through. Some landlords in Nigeria still don’t rent apartments to single women! It’s ridiculous and I wonder when this will stop.

We are all aware of the societal and cultural pressure for women to be married by a certain age. However, in the past decade, there has been a growing recognition that there is no specific timeline for starting major life events. You can begin when you are prepared or when the time is right, and things will work out. Despite believing in this, we also need to consider the biological aspect. As women, our bodies undergo significant changes as we age, and pregnancies in our mid-thirties can be risky. Nonetheless, some people have children in their 40s and 50s with few or no complications.

I know that there are many girlies out there like me who are experiencing the same feelings or sense of incompleteness. I just want to send you some love and let you know that you’re not alone. We are going to get everything we want and deserve. Keep learning, growing, and believing.

Mariam Shittu