When I was younger, like many people, I couldn’t wait to become an adult. Adulthood looked exciting. I wanted to be in control of my life. To go where I wanted, not where I was asked to go. To eat what I wanted to eat, not what I was asked to eat. To do what I wanted to do.

It looked like freedom. You could make your own decisions, spend your money however you wanted, travel where you pleased, eat what you liked, and answer to no one. From the outside, it seemed simple and I looked forward to it every day. Then adulthood arrived.

While most of those things I looked forward to were true, I quickly discovered there was another side to adulthood that nobody really talked about enough. The side that comes with responsibility, accountability, maturity, uncertainty, difficult decisions, and the understanding that most people are figuring things out as they go.

I know now that adulthood is not difficult because of one big thing. It is difficult because of the many small things that quietly demand our attention every day. The bills, the responsibilities, the relationships, the health concerns, the decisions, and everything in between all want a piece of you at the same time.

Nobody Tells You How Many Decisions You’ll Have To Make

One of the things that surprised me most about adulthood is the number of decisions you have to make.

As a child, many decisions are made for you. As an adult, the responsibility shifts. What career should I pursue? Should I stay or leave? Should I save or spend? Should I move? Should I wait? Should I take the risk? Sometimes, it feels like life is a series of decisions stacked on top of other decisions. I’ve also learned that not making a decision is a decision too. It also doesn’t help when you’re an over-thinker and indecisive person. It can be exhausting.

Nobody Tells You How Much Work Good Health Requires

As children and teenagers, our bodies often just work. We don’t think much about it and when we feel sick, our parents or caregivers are there to tend to us. As adults, health becomes something we have to actively maintain. You start paying attention to what you eat, how often you move, how much sleep you’re getting, how stressed you are, and whether you’re actually taking care of yourself. What wasn’t a big deal before can become a big deal. You can wake up with an achy back all of a sudden and you wonder what happened. You have a shit load of vitamins that the Doctor says you need. As a grown woman, it can feel tougher because of the hormonal shifts for our monthly cycle and everything that comes with that. I’ve been paying attention to my health for a long time, but lately, I’ve even become more intentional, and one thing I’ve learned is that feeling good requires effort. It requires consistency. It requires paying attention before your body forces you to. Health truly is wealth. It sounds cliché until you realize how much of life depends on it.

Nobody Tells You That Friendships Will Change

Not every friendship ends dramatically. Sometimes people simply grow in different directions. Life gets busy. Priorities change. People move. Some get married. Others become parents. Some friendships remain exactly as they are, while others evolve into something different. Someone you saw often and spoke to every day can become someone you haven’t seen in years and only talk to three times a year. Some friends are now just social media friends and that’s just adulting for you. I’ve learned that change doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it simply means life is happening. The friendships that survive those changes often become even more valuable because both people choose to keep showing up. I’m thankful that I still have some old friends that I’m in touch with till today even though I’ve made some new friends as well. 

Nobody Tells You How Uncomfortable Uncertainty Can Be

I like knowing what’s next, I like clarity, and I like having a plan. Unfortunately, adulthood doesn’t always offer those things. There are seasons where you don’t know how something will work out. You don’t know when the answer will come. You don’t know whether the thing you’re hoping for is around the corner or still far away. I’ve learned that uncertainty is one of the most difficult parts of adulthood because there is no shortcut through it. You simply have to keep moving forward while you wait for clarity and this is so hard. 

Nobody Tells You That Freedom Comes With Responsibility

When we’re younger, freedom is what we look forward to most. Then adulthood arrives and we discover that freedom and responsibility travel together. You can choose what you want, but you also have to deal with the consequences of those choices. You can create the life you want, but you have to put in the work. You can buy anything you want, but you have to be able to afford it.  You can do almost anything, but you can’t do everything. I’ve come to appreciate this part of adulthood, even when it feels overwhelming. There is something empowering about knowing that your life belongs to you.

Nobody Tells You That You’re Always Becoming

I used to think adulthood was a destination. I thought one day I would arrive and suddenly have everything figured out. Now I know better. Adulthood is not an arrival point. Rather, it is a continuous process of learning, unlearning, growing, changing, and adapting. The person I was five years ago is different from the person I am today. Even the person I was six months ago is not the person I am today. We are changing and growing every day. That is the beauty of it.

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Adulthood is messy, confusing, expensive, exhausting, and sometimes overwhelming, but it is also beautiful. There is joy in discovering who you are. There is joy in building a life that reflects your values. There is joy in learning lessons, making mistakes, trying again, and becoming a little wiser along the way. I whine whenever I can about something adulting has done to me again, but I’m also thankful for the experiences, opportunities, and freedoms that I can only enjoy because I’m an adult.

No, adulthood is not what I thought it would be. Some parts have been harder than I imagined especially the losses I have experienced. Some parts have been good too and I’m looking forward to greater things ahead. 

Adulting is a scam. It can be both good and bad, and perhaps that’s what nobody told us enough. We are all figuring it out as we go. 

I’m proud of you for surviving adulthood one day, one lesson, and one season at a time.

Mariam Shittu

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