I didn’t care much for emotional unavailability until I had to look it up on Google recently. And you know, for me to research it, it was because I felt like maybe someone was emotionally unavailable for me.
An emotionally unavailable person creates barriers to intimacy in your relationship and makes you feel unwanted and unloved. Feeling unwanted or unliked is a bad empty feeling, and I don’t wish it on anyone. It’s even worse when you can’t phantom why you’re head over heels in “like” with the person who is emotionally unavailable for you.
I met someone some months ago and soon realized that he is a lousy communicator. When I say bad, I mean terrible. A day could go by without a word from him if I didn’t reach out first. It’s a normal thing for the guy to initiate conversations and dates, right? I thought so, too, because that’s how other people had wooed me in the past. Anyway, I brought the extrovert out of me and initiated conversations. Of course, I couldn’t do this for long, not just because it was a struggle, I wasn’t being met halfway, so I mentioned it to him. The response I got was, “that’s actually how I am with everyone. Even my Mom and past girlfriends have complained.”
- How Do You Know When You’re in Love?
- Lessons From My Past Relationships
- Surviving Long Distance Relationships
Okay, Mr, this girl likes to know that someone is thinking of her, missing her and looking forward to when they’ll see her next. She doesn’t want to keep checking her phone, hoping you will text or call because she initiated the last three conversations you had, and she’s tired of doing that. He did apologize and said he’d do better but did he do better? Not really. On the flip side, whenever we hung out, it felt like we were super close and connected and saw each other just the day before. So I started wondering if he was emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable or just unbothered.
- Will someone unbothered make me feel wanted when he’s with me (in public and private)?
- Will he introduce me to everyone that matters to him?
- Will he ask personal questions that show he pays attention and cares about me?
- Will he check on my family and friends?
- Will he ask if I slept good and if I had eaten?
- Will he tell me about his fears and concerns?
It’s a couple of weeks later, and I’m calmer now because I had to remove myself from the situation. I guess I’ve moved over to the unbothered phase too.
I’ve come to realize that people have a right to decline your love no matter how pure your intentions are. Not everyone will like you the same way you want them, and you have to be okay with it.
So, what do you think? Was he unbothered, emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable, or I’m entirely wrong?
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