Life Update| September 2019

I’ve never owned a journal but if I did own one, I would have written this post in it.

Lately, I’ve been waking up feeling uninterested to start my day. As a matter of fact, I snoozed my alarm most of last week and skipped my early morning workout. This week though, I have been determined to get back to normal so I haven’t missed working out thank goodness but it’s just been two days.  I am still fasting intermittently and eating healthy most of the time though I cheated with some ice cream and chocolate muffin this weekend.  Most weekends go by without a cheat meal so I don’t feel guilty about it.

You know how you pray so bad for something and then when it comes you wonder if you really needed it? That’s exactly how I have been feeling about having fixed working hours. I miss working in my own time and having so much free time to articulate my thoughts. On the flip side, I’m busier and learning every day and as they say busy is good.  One good thing I’m happy about is I have been helping people secure jobs and I am thinking of starting a CV clinic.

However, I am tired. I know I cannot do this alone but the superwoman in me is carrying everything on her head. I have been working hard and I miss hardly working. I know recognizing how overworked I am is the first step to addressing the issue and I’m grateful for that. I feel like my business is suffering because I am not paying much attention to it. So last weekend, I posted only t-shirt images on my instastory.  I need a holiday, not just a typical holiday, a holiday with myself and no one else in a place with strangers. I need to be free physically and emotionally. I wish a travel company will contact me to visit someplace and promote their company or country. I will jump right on that plane and take unpaid leave.

On the writing sphere, I feel like writing has been a struggle even though my friends do not agree. When I mentioned this to someone last week, he said, “I’ve been getting your email notifications and reading your posts. You are even posting more, what are you going on about?” I tried to explain what I meant but I’m not sure he understood. I always believe my writing can be better even when I have published it. I don’t have enough time on my hands to figure out what I want to write about and ponder over what I have written. I’m actually amazed that I have been managing my time well and I know it’s because of my organisation skills which are what inspired me to give tips on how to be organized.

There’s also a desire to do a course of some sort of a master’s degree. The weird thing is I never wanted to get another degree but now it seems like a great idea but I’m confused about what I want to study. I was leaning towards getting a master’s degree in Creative Writing last year but now Organisational Psychology seems interesting too.  I definitely do not have the funds to do either or both and I am relying on my Dad supporting me with one. However, I can’t have this conversation soon because two of my sisters are getting married this December.

Wedding frenzy is ongoing and the planning hasn’t been easy even though we still have a lot to do. We all wish my Mum was here to smoothen things out and ease the process with my Dad. I don’t even know how my sisters are going to do it on their days but I know there will be a lot of waterworks. It’s been fun assisting them to choose their wedding dresses amongst other things. Lately, I have been seeing my Mum in my dreams and as the days go by, the dreams seem more real. Today, I was sad my alarm woke me up because we were actually having a great time together.  They say things will get better with time when you lose someone and I’m still waiting for my “better”.

Writing 10 Life Lessons From My Past Relationships made me realize that I have to bring whoever I’m with into my world and make them feel important. I love my space a whole lot and I am not the most expressive person in the world so this may send the wrong vibe to the person I’m with. They may feel I don’t need them especially if they do not communicate how they are feeling to me. My boss asked me when I am getting married randomly during a conversation that absolutely had nothing to do with marriage. I was taken aback and concerned although I think it came from a place of love (if you know her, please don’t show this to her). It’s a different thing if she asked if I was dating which I would have answered yes without having a problem with. I replied with the truth that it’s not anytime soon. Then she said I should make it a priority for this year because as the HR Lead I need to show people how to maintain a work-life balance. I was tempted to continue the conversation that people that are not married need to have a work-life balance too but I just smiled.

I am trying to relax my face more so that people don’t get the perception that I am not approachable. I didn’t know this was a thing until it became a thing hehe. I realized last month that the need to make friends in the blogging sphere is paramount to my growth as a blogger/writer so that we can encourage each other and collaborate. I am pushing myself to do something about this soon.

So this is life lately with a few things still bottled up and unsharable because this is not my diary and some things are too much for the internet.

I’m doing just fine as you have read.

Mariam Shittu